We often believe that during holidays everyone, except us, is having a wonderful festive time, surrounded by loving family, caring friends, filled with fun, festivity and happiness.
At the risk of “bah humbug” what I most often heard from clients was holidays were filled with stress, trepidation, family feuds or deep pain at being alone while everyone else seemingly was partying.
Coupled with studies which suggest that the Christmas/New Year’s holidays are a risk factor for cardiac and noncardiac mortality.* the United Kingdom study on loneliness and isolation of 6,500 had an interesting conclusion:
Loneliness hurts, but social isolation can kill you.
“The study, by a team at University College London, comes after decades of research showing that both loneliness and infrequent contact with friends and family can, independently, shorten a person’s life. The scientists expected to find that the combination of these two risk factors would be especially dangerous.”
“We were thinking that people who were socially isolated but also felt lonely might be at particularly high risk,” says Andrew Steptoe, a professor of psychology at University College London.”
“To find out, the team studied 6,500 men and women ages 52 and older. All of them had answered a questionnaire back in 2004 or 2005 that assessed both their sense of loneliness and how much contact they had with friends and family. The researchers looked to see what happened to those people over the next seven or eight years.”
“And Steptoe says he was surprised by the result. “Both social isolation and loneliness appeared initially to be associated with a greater risk of dying,” he says. “But it was really the isolation which was more important.”‘
‘”At first, it looked like people who reported greater levels of loneliness were more likely to die, Steptoe says. But closer analysis showed that these people were also more likely to have other risk factors, like being poor and having existing health problems. Once those factors were taken into account, the extra risk associated with loneliness pretty much disappeared, Steptoe says.”‘
“But people who spent very little time with friends and family, or at social events, were more likely to die regardless of income or health status the team reports in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.”
“It’s not clear why social isolation is linked to mortality. But one possibility is that having other people around has practical benefits as you get older, Steptoe says. For example, they may push you to go see a doctor if you are having symptoms like chest pain, he says. And if you were to lose consciousness, they would call for help.”
Do Facebook friends count? How about texting?
“Other researchers say they are surprised and not necessarily convinced by the new study, even though they say it’s large and well-done.”
‘”It doesn’t negate the loneliness work that’s been done to date,” says Bert Uchino, a University of Utah psychology professor. He says this study may have reached a different conclusion than earlier ones because people’s definition of loneliness is changing in the Internet age.”‘
‘”People … may think that they’re connected to other people because they’re on Facebook,” Uchino says. So they may not report feeling lonely. But that sort of connection, he says, may not have the health benefits of direct contact with other people.”
*https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/abs/10.1161/01.cir.0000151424.02045.f7 (There are multiple explanations for this association, including the possibility that holiday-induced delays in seeking treatment play a role in producing the twin holiday spikes.)
1. Introverts enjoy having time to themselves. P & J would rather spend time reading, gardening and blogging. They even like to go shopping alone. I give them as much quiet, alone time as possible because it’s important to their sense of well-being. (They recharge their batteries by being alone which is puzzling and, might I say, rather boring. I’m planning on taking them on walks more often so they learn to socialize.)
2. Introverts best thinking occurs when they’re alone. I’ve noticed they come up with creative solutions on their own and then they tell each other what they think. (Sometimes the solutions are weird . . . I think they think too much. I’m planning on taking them on more walks so they learn not to be so weird)
3. Introverts lead best when others are self-starters. They can be the best leaders of all if the group is ready to lead itself, then the introverted leader will draw the most potential out of them. (I’m planning on taking them on more walks to practice leading me so I can draw the most potential out of them.)
4. Introverts are content to let others take center stage. Extraverts, like me, are ready and eager to stand out in any social situation. It’s not that introverts know less than others; they just don’t feel a particular need to be in that limelight. (I’m not planning on doing anything about this since they tend to hog all the credit for my blogs)
5. Other people ask introverts their opinion. They are less likely to volunteer opinions or advice in less public settings. People high in introversion will keep their views to themselves and let the noisy extraverts take control. (I’m not planning on doing anything about this since they are already EXTREMELY opinionated. You’re welcome.)
6. Introverts do not engage with people who seem angry or upset. This is true. P & J will drag me on the other side of the street if they see a big dog coming. People high in introversion don’t want to look at someone who seems mad. this is because they are more sensitive to potentially negative evaluations. (I’m not planning on doing anything about this since I also enjoy peace, quiet and lots of loving attention)
7. Introverts receive more calls, texts, and emails than they make, unless there’s no choice. All other things being equal, people high in introversion don’t reach out voluntarily to their social circles. If they have a few minutes to spare, they won’t initiate a call just to pass the time by socializing. They don’t generate emails and other written correspondence but instead react to the communications they receive from others. If you have no choice but to initiate communications, such as when they invite people to a social event, they will be less likely to pick up the phone and make a call and more likely to send the request through cyberspace or the post office. (THIS IS REALLY TRUE about Judy. She hates to talk on the phone. When the phone rings she starts twitching. Peggy talks on the phone A LOT. I’m not planning on doing anything about this since I don’t care)
8. Being an introvert definitely has its advantages. You’re less likely to make a social gaffe, such as by inadvertently insulting someone whose opinion you don’t agree with. They enjoy reflecting on their own thoughts and are rarely likely to get bored when they’re alone than someone who needs constant social stimulation. (I’m planning on helping them learn how to pet and scratch me more. Stimulation is a good thing.)
Maybe Peggy & Judy are ‘ambiverts’?
Frankly,
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDE
Canine Dog Extrovert
references:
Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D.Fulfillment at Any Age
https://www.psychologytoday.com/
Understanding personality types for a happier relationship