Take this quiz – We dare you

Most of us like to think we are emotionally intelligent.  Despite decades in the business of “psychology” I admit, I sometimes “lose it” . . . lose my emotional intelligence.  When I’m stressed, sick, tired (or sick ‘n tired) it’s harder to muster up my objectively and control,  much less compassion for myself or others.  I experience emotional intelligence as not a fixed number like I.Q. but rather waxes, wanes, ebbs and flows throughout my day.

Cat in “the hat” by peggy from Pawsitively Tuesday

According to Psychology Today, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills:

Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;
The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;
The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.”

Here’s a checklist from MindTools that can help you determine your EI

15 Statements to Answer

Not at All Rarely Sometimes Often Very Often
1 I can recognize my emotions as I experience them.
2 I lose my temper when I feel frustrated.
3 People have told me that I’m a good listener.
4 I know how to calm myself down when I feel anxious or upset.
5 I enjoy organizing groups.
6 I find it hard to focus on something over the long-term.
7 I find it difficult to move on when I feel frustrated or unhappy.
8 I know my strengths and weaknesses.
9 I avoid conflict and negotiations.
10 I feel that I don’t enjoy my work.
11 I ask people for feedback on what I do well, and how I can improve.
12 I set long-term goals, and review my progress regularly.
13 I find it difficult to read other people’s emotions.
14 I struggle to build rapport with others.
15 I use active listening skills when people speak to me.

2, 6, 7, 9, 10, 13, 14 indicate needing to work on EI.

“You get the idea. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to work well with others, keep oneself in check, motivate yourself and others without resorting to fear or intimidation, to be empathetic, and to know oneself. Psychologist Daniel Goleman says there are five elements that define EI:”

Social skills

Does YOUR EI wax & wane or is it a fixed attribute?



8 comments on “Take this quiz – We dare you

  1. Emotional intelligence is such an interesting subject. There are definitely those that are highly gifted in this and others that are clearly clueless. In our own family, we have both extremes.

    To answer the question posed, about whether our own waxes and wanes, here is Ben’s emotional intelligence “oscillation” spectrum:

    1) Pre capuccino, caveat emptor, watch out! There ain’t no EI here. Post capuccino it is pretty high
    2) Situational context matters.. such as if he is waiting in lines for too long. Little chance of deploying EI. The longer the wait, the less the EI.

    And I, would like to think I have decent EI ~ perhaps having a background in Psychology does help.But I do agree that for most of us it probably waxes and wanes depending on so many variables that could impact.

    Last comment: There is a very interesting dimension of EI which applies specifically to people like us who are “global nomads”. We have to rely on EI a lot more as we live outside of our own cultural context, to understand, sometimes without any language, other people and to figure out a way to communicate, one has to have EI!

    Ben & Peta

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ben, You aren’t describing EI, you’re talking about GOURMET IMPATIENCE (regular patience would be black coffee, no cream, no sugar) and LINE ENVY (desire to always be first in the gate).

      That’s a FASCINATING last comment. I never thought about it but you are right. You have to have SUPER DUPER MULTICULTURAL MULTI-DIMENSIONAL EI.


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